Unaging Wolfe and Archie Now Comfortably Settled in 21st Century

Review of Alan Vanneman's Three Bullets: A New Nero Wolfe Threesome

It's always a joy to encounter a new Nero Wolfe story, provided it is well-written. Rex Stout wrote 74 of them; some of them brilliant, many excellent or good, and a few not so good. Since we cannot hope for any new Nero Wolfe story written by Stout, I'll take the better alternative compared to never having the pleasure of reading a new Nero Wolfe story again: a pastiche that is well-written.

Alan Vanneman's trio of new Nero Wolfe novelettes definitely is well-written, even if not gaffe-free. You can definitely feel the writer's professionalism behind the threesome. Plus, Vanneman chose an ingenious device of illustrating Wolfe's and Archie's unaging nature: he settled his first story in the original Nero Wolfe time-line, so that it takes place in 1935, shortly after the premier Nero Wolfe novel, Fer-de-Lance (and it shares an "Argentine connection" with it). The other two stories in the threesome, however, take place in post-911 New York, in the 21st century. Wolfe's and Archie's age, of course, remains constant. I thought the characters' transposition into the digital present-day succeeded very well. It was a confident step. Vanneman embellishes the ageless aspect of the stories by having Wolfe say, in the 21st century, that he had paid 80 thousand dollars for purchasing the Brownstone in which he has now lived for 30 years. That would make any of Rex Stout's original stories impossible, of course, but in Wolfe's magical time-warp, the contradiction is irrelevant.

I liked the first story, "Invitation to the Shooting Party", the best. The characters definitely seemed more "at home" in the 1930s than in the 2000s. The story, I thought, was virtually indistinguishable from a Rex Stout-written Nero Wolfe novelette. And, it features a very exciting finale. Alan Vanneman must be commended for the courage to force Nero Wolfe to leave the Brownstone right in his opening Nero Wolfe story; however, it all feels natural and convincing. This story I would say is on a par with some of the best Nero Wolfe novelettes written by Rex Stout. Vanneman's portrayal of Wolfe is bold and unconventional elsewhere in the triplet, too: he lets Wolfe rise and shake a female visitor's hand; and he lets Wolfe accompany a departing female visitor to the door – yet these occasions are believably depicted and do not disturb our overall image of Wolfe. There's a similarly surprising Archie moment where he states point-blank (even if only to his readers) that he just can't resist young female attraction.

The second story, "Fame Will Tell", lets Nero Wolfe tackle the present-day world of pop music, with a young African-American female hip-hop trio as Wolfe's clients. It's our first encounter with Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin in the 21st century, and it doesn't feel unnatural, although you can't quite get rid of the feeling that the characters are somehow "old-fashioned" here. It doesn't help that Archie keeps stressing on many occasions how old-fashioned Nero Wolfe is; the trouble is, Archie also seems out-of-place at times. What I least liked about "Fame Will Tell" wasn't the transposition to the 21st century but the rather weak plot and unimpressive dénouement. Well, Rex Stout's stories were frequently guilty of those shortcomings, too.

The final, third story, "Politics Is Murder", is a delightful, hilarious, politically tinged romp, with the most hilarious thing about the story being its final word (I advise you not to read the final word ahead of the entire story). As a European, I couldn't care less about the squabbles between the Republican and Democratic Parties in the US, but Vanneman's story has the potential to offend the supporters of both parties, which I think is good. Republicans are likely to get more offended than Democrats because Vanneman lets both Archie and Wolfe criticize George W. Bush repeatedly, but that goes with the territory of writing a politically charged story. It takes courage on the writer's part to write in this way – especially when real-life characters appear in the story, using no pseudonyms. Wolfe's Brownstone gets visited, in person, by the likes of Ann Coulter (she is Wolfe's client), Hillary Clinton, and Andrew Sullivan, while David Brock and one more immensely famous person are likewise pivotal characters in the story. I presume that if "Politics Is Murder" were ever to be published officially, the characters' names might need to be turned into (easily recognizable) pseudonyms. Speaking of Ann Coulter as Nero Wolfe's client, Archie aptly observes in chapter 4, "Watching Ann's ego smack into Wolfe's was like watching the collision of two icebergs: cold and snowy on top, with plenty of grinding going on underneath." And when Andy Sullivan visits the Brownsone, Archie says (in chapter 5), "Andy showed up at five minutes to twelve, wearing a checked suit with a deerskin vest. I'd seen him on television a few times. He was one of the people Wolfe liked to turn off, which put him in pretty good company, actually. As far as I could tell, the only people Wolfe liked to watch were Greta Garbo and Charlie Chaplin."

The culinary scenes in Vanneman's threesome are rich and detailed. Andrew Sullivan offers this praise in chapter 5: "There is an austere majesty to these dishes, the simplicity of the finest." The f-word is judiciously introduced in both 21st century stories, but is used in a natural way, not gratuitously.

Now compared to Robert Goldsborough's Nero Wolfe prequel, I think Vanneman's Archie is closer to the original: he seems as sprightly and impudent as in Rex Stout's stories; the tone in Vanneman's stories seems more humorous, wittier than in Goldsborough's prequel, where it seemed as if it was an effort for Robert Goldsborough to make Archie sound funny. Vanneman isn't shy about fleshing out Archie's Ohio history with items never mentioned by Rex Stout; and so, we learn a few details about Archie's mother, and about Archie growing up in a "sod hut".

At the same time, there's a departure in Vanneman's Archie compared to Stout's Archie, in that Archie is pointedly depicted by Vanneman as a non-intellectual, an almost animalistic person in some situations ("I stood over the kill, feeling happy.", we read in chapter 4 of the first story), thus making the contrast with Wolfe sharper than in Rex Stout. In chapter 2 of the final story, a dissatisfied Archie concludes, "I had to face it. My job was to sit on my fanny and type." Vanneman's Archie frequently gets bored and never reads serious books, only newspapers. I don't think Rex Stout's Archie tended to get bored – just frustrated when it seemed to him Wolfe wasn't exerting himself enough. Another bold, but nice departure from Stout is that in Vanneman's third story, you can say that Archie takes the initiative unbeknownst to Wolfe and solves the case instead of Wolfe who just prefers to have another opulent lunch instead.

Vanneman's triplet isn't gaffe-free. The worst of them occurs in chapter 3 of the 2nd story, with Nero Wolfe instructing Archie, "Contact Saul." Oops! The timing of Archie's hiring by Wolfe, alleged to be around 1930 by Vanneman, is as imprecise as it is in Goldsborough's prequel. Wolfe has Archie type letters in Serbian for him, and asks him to correct diacritics in them... yet Serbian (unlike Croatian) uses the Cyrillic alphabet that has no diacritics and that would completely flummox Archie. There is a scene in chapter 2 of the final story where Archie calls Wolfe in his presence "Wolfe" rather than "Mr. Wolfe", which I don't believe Archie would ever have done; the whole scene and the subsequent verbal altercation rang false, and would best have been left out; it is even reenacted later on. Also in the 3rd story, the computer "password cracking" scenes seemed fishy – why try to crack passwords manually (or visually) by looking at their printout on paper? Just so that Wolfe can shine, artificially? Why not just instantly feed all 1008 password options into the computer directly? Here more than elsewhere, it felt as if Vanneman were an older person writing about computer technology. A nice illustration of how fast technology develops is that the characters in Vanneman's stories appear to be using flip-phones; but those already are old-fashioned today, in late 2012 – Vanneman's stories likely take place in the pre-iPhone era, or at its very beginning, in around 2007 or 2008.

I have read Vanneman's threesome in an electronic EPUB version prepared by an unknown volunteer (see links below). Although it is nicely formatted, and although it even seems to have corrected some typos present in Vanneman's stories on the original webpages (such as superfluous hyphens), there are still quite a few typos remaining in the EPUB version. I have tried to make note of every typo I noticed in the stories, and in case Mr. Vanneman is interested, I can let him have my notes so he can eliminate the errors.

If Alan Vanneman's triplet were available on Amazon, I would rate it 3 stars, the same I have recently rated Robert Goldsborough's Nero Wolfe prequel. If the Rex Stout Estate is willing to authorize Mr. Goldsborough to publish Nero Wolfe stories officially, I see no reason why they should not also authorize Mr. Vanneman. I say, the more competently written new Nero Wolfe stories we get to read, the better. Fans just can't get enough of Wolfe & Archie!

Let me conclude this review with a selection of quotes to illustrate Alan Vanneman's skills in tackling the Wolfean universe. There are a number of delightful Wolfean pronouncements interspersed throughout the 3 stories; they seem as genuine as if written by Rex Stout. A sample of Wolfe's statements:

<> (ITASP, chapter 6)

<< The English aristocracy is equally striking for both its insolence and its insolvency. And one may include arrogance and incompetence as well. >> (ITASP, ch. 4)

<< It is astonishing what gilded embroidery the aristocracy will not lavish upon the implements of their leisure. As though the purpose of life were to shoot a bird rather than eat one. >> (ITASP, ch. 6)

<< "You do not hunt, Mr. Wolfe?" – "For profit only, not pleasure. And I confine myself to my own species." >> (ibidem)

<< The nineteenth century has its charms, but the twenty-first has its advantages. >> (FWT, ch. 2)

<< The females are as addled as the males. The audience forms an acute sociological commentary on the sexual phantasms of our era. Human beings will do anything with their desire other than embrace it directly. >> (FWT, ch. 1)

<> (ibidem)

<< It is a rare privilege to touch beauty without being burned, a privilege earned only by the discipline of reason. >> (ibidem)

<> (ibidem)

<< Inspector Cramer, who makes a point of never learning from his mistakes, maintains an infantile obsession with what occurs in this house. >> (PIM, ch. 4)

<> (PIM, ch. 5)

<< "That's a little steep, isn't it?" she asked. "What's your usual fee?" – "I have no usual fee. In any event, Miss Coulter, your predicament is far from usual. You should count yourself fortunate to have the wherewithal to command my services." >> (PIM, ch. 4)

There are nice characterizations of Wolfe by Archie:

<< "Venison," he murmured, as another man might say "gold." >> (ITASP, ch. 2)

<< Inviting Wolfe to Bucks County was like inviting the Statue of Liberty. Neither was likely to make the trip. >> (ibidem)

<< When I got into the office Wolfe was hard at work, reading Gousset with both hands. >> (PIM, ch. 3)

<< He reached for his beer. Since there was scarcely half a glass remaining, there was no point in being subtle. He drained the glass and set it down. >> (ibidem)

<< Wolfe snorted. It might have started out as a grunt, but it finished as a snort. >> (FWT, ch. 1)

<< "Mr. Wolfe is a lot like his office. He's old-fashioned. He doesn't like obscenities. He doesn't like attitude, and he certainly doesn't like skin. I mean, he's the opposite of hip-hop." >> (ibidem)

And we get a good dose of the famous Archie vs. Wolfe verbal sparring:

<< "Are you expressing an animus?" – "I am expressing a sense of caution that you lack. Miss Coulter is willful, attractive, and self-possessed. In our animal cousins the instinct for reproduction is a blunt instrument, primitive but reliable. Among us it frequently takes fantastic and even self-defeating forms. Your appetite for the exotic and forbidden, if not controlled, will be your ruin, and I will not have my interests compromised by your folly. I rely upon your instincts, but I rely on my ability to direct them even more." >> (PIM, ch. 4)

Finally, we get to see Archie's office rituals fully updated for 21st century; he now seems to be deleting spam emails more frequently than dusting the furniture:

<> (FWT, ch. 2)

<> (ibidem)

<< I drank the coffee and ran through my emails and then the Gazette online to see if anything had broken. Since the news on the web was half an hour old I switched on CNN and got a glimpse of Mayor Bloomberg fighting his way through a crowd of reporters, looking like he'd rather be smoking a cigarette. I switched off the sound and listened to my voice mails. >> (FWT, ch. 3)

<< He sat in the one chair in the world that actually suits him and picked up the morning mail. I ignored him, entering Theodore's plant records on the computer. >> (FWT, ch. 1)

<< Before going down for breakfast I checked the Internet. >> (FWT, ch. 5)

<< When I got to the kitchen I barely glanced at the papers. Their coverage was yesterday's news already, and they didn't know it. >> (ibidem)

<< I spent most of the morning working on something that had nothing to do with the case. Ever since the breakup of the Soviet Union Wolfe had been taking more and more interest in the Balkans. Once he discovered that there were websites based in the Balkans, he had me download material for him every week. There were about twenty sites that Wolfe found "interesting," which was a lot to print out. It was all in Greek, or Russian, or Serbian, so it was over my head, but Wolfe was happy. >> (ibidem)

<< When I was finished with Saul I went through the emails and printed out a dozen for Wolfe to look at. He still won't read from a computer screen. >> (PIM, ch. 2)

<< Just before he left for his afternoon session with the plants Wolfe gave me an Internet search on a dozen new sites in three different languages, none of which I could read. >> (ibidem)

<< [Wolfe:] "Your problem is ticklish, and I have always found that it is best to treat such problems in writing. Archie, your computer." >> (PIM, ch. 1)

RATINGS

"Invitation to a Shooting Party": C+
"Fame Will Tell": D-
"Politics Is Murder": C-

OVERALL RATING FOR THE THREESOME: C- (the same as Robert Goldsborough's Nero Wolfe prequel)

UPDATED (July 2013) LINKS IF YOU'D LIKE TO READ THE ALAN VANNEMAN THREESOME:

for Kindle (MOBI file): https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/53blp2opo53fplj/Three_Bullets.mobi

for iPad/iPhone/iPod touch/Android (EPUB file): https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/s2f8uj0xc2544fi/Three_Bullets.epub

for any web browser: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/xmr22t15ap03yud/Three_Bullets.html

REVIEWER NOTE (1st July 2013): In 2013, based on reader feedback, Alan Vanneman undertook a careful revision of all 3 of his stories collected in Three Bullets. Among other things, Mr. Vanneman changed the first name of the millionaire's secretary in the first story, because many readers found the original name confusing. Also, much care has been taken to eliminate all typos as well as formatting flaws in the original release of the threesome. Therefore, some of my original objections as stated in the above review are no longer relevant today.

Also see: Alan Vanneman profile webpage