Fun, Outer-Space-Located Counterpoint
to Kafka's Famed Cockroach Novelette
Review of Alan Vanneman's Vorak of Kolnap (2014)
Alan Vanneman says in the Foreword his intention in writing
Vorak
of Kolnap was to provide more fun for cockroaches than the
most famous cockroach in the history of literature was allowed to
enjoy: the one in Kafka's novelette "Die Verwandlung". Vanneman
preserves Kafka's dimension of the cockroach: his size corresponds
to that of a human male, but that is where all cockroach
similarity ends between Vanneman and Kafka.
Vorak of Kolnap is a sci-fi novel taking place in the 12th
millennium – although whether that is a continuation of our
current, human (and Gregorian) calendar, can only be guessed. The
human species seems to be extinct in this far-away, advanced era;
the most intelligent beings in the universe, instead, and the
apparent successors of humans, are cockroaches. Instead of being
helpless as in Kafka's story – they are the masters of the
universe in Vanneman's novel; masters of all the other bugs and
critters populating the galaxy, too. All the bugs have
considerably grown in size compared to the present day: the
typical cockroach is the size of a human being from our era; an
ant is three-foot high; and a tarantula (the ants' greatest enemy)
is a "five-tonner".
The novel loosely – in a prelude and five longer, likewise loosely
connected tales/chapters (titled Mission Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta
and Epsilon) – traces the biography and military career of one
Vorak: a Clark Gable-like,
macho but at the same time
thoughtful and compassionate character, though definitely not at
the very start: in the opening segment, "Prelude", Vorak is still
an awkward, insecure young cadet at the military academy. Largely
thanks to his brains, but also courage, he overcomes all
challenges (hazing and such) he faces, and gains fame as the very
young bug who leads a successful charge against an intruder ship.
Vorak of Kolnap is, therefore, also a typical
"coming-of-age story". Following his initial triumph, however,
Vorak succumbs to sexual temptation:
<< The explanation he’d
given at the resulting court martial—“She sure looked eighteen
to me”—had gone down as the worst defense in twenty thousand
years of cockroach jurisprudence. The presiding bug laughed so
hard he’d split his chitin three weeks prior to molting, which
didn’t help Vorak’s case one bit. >> (Mission
Alpha)
As punishment, Vorak is exiled to the least enticing command post
in the entire universe: a planet called Kolnap, covered almost
entirely by methane slush:
<< The sea, stiff with
frozen slush and carrying thick cakes of frozen methane, broke
in slow, heavy waves against the rear of the Morat.
>> (Mission Gamma)
Vorak is the only cockroach on the planet, commanding an army of
ants that help him keep things in order. His ravishing girlfriend
of ill repute is Nayluu – a grasshopper, looked down upon by
regular cockroaches who, however, find it hard to resist (males)
or gainsay (females) Nayluu's charms:
<< Vorak and Nayluu were
the single spark of glamour for a trillion miles and more. Even
at splight 0.9555, the juvie baths and fashion shops of Nardan
were a good ten-year freeze flight away. With each passing day,
Boron’s superb wardrobe grew more hopelessly out of date.
Without Vorak’s eager eye, and Nayluu’s knowing one, she may as
well have been dressing in sackcloth. >>
(Mission Delta)
<< Nayluu was all too aware
that single square inch of bare hopper shoulder at a Roach Rout
would cause the pillars of the galaxy not to shake but to
shatter. She stepped from the dressing screen and stood before
Vorak.
“How do I look, darling?”
Vorak bit his mandibles. Nayluu seemed to shimmer before him
like an incandescent flame, the figure and image of infinite
promise, an invocation of all that was good in a roach, and of
all that was bad. This was a gown to inspire devotion in the
pure, and baseness in the corrupt. There was love there, and
hunger, wisdom, and passion, knowledge, and desire.
“Thank Bob I'm armed,” he said, proffering an elbow. “Please
remember to show a little mercy.”
“Darling, you take these things so seriously.” >>
(Mission Beta)
All the roaches and bugs and critters featured and (in most cases)
affectionately (in jocular juxtaposition to Kafka) depicted in the
book are in essence human, all-too-human; and so, in
Vorak of
Kolnap, you are in fact reading a book about
humans
with all their foibles, although outwardly, the depictions refer
to the social and military and love life of insects, providing
frequent comic relief:
<< [...] “native
cuisine”—fermented fungus in ant saliva—[...] >>
(Mission Epsilon)
<< “Darling, I haven’t seen
green for centuries.” >> (Mission
Gamma)
<< Vorak inspected his
image carefully in the mirror. He hadn’t worn Full Dress since
graduation from the Academy. Forty-five years had passed—forty
in the freeze can and five at Kolnap itself. >>
(Mission Beta)
<< Vorak stared at her. So
haughty, and yet so needy. What a combination! >>
(Mission Delta)
<< Beneath all the
fellowship in the room there was the ineffable scent—or was it
an unhealthy stink?—of roach smugness and je-m’en-foutisme.
Take them one at a time, each of the roaches were good bugs. You
could match them against any insects in the galaxy. But put them
in a room together, and they went a little stale. Life was too
easy, too good, too fat. When he saw the tiger beetle strippers
coming on, he knew it was time to leave. He thought of an old
line of poetry from grammar school. “They little know of Nardan,
who only Nardan know.” What the vart did that mean? he used to
ask. Now he knew. >> (Mission Beta)
In fact, the description of typical
human foibles is so
convincing it may strike the reader as disagreeable. It is just
disheartening to see all the human follies, hierarchies, "vices"
as if transferred onto the insects society: in
Vorak of Kolnap,
we get to experience a "Ladies Culture Club", detestable military
pomp, opulent military parades and formalities adorned with
bombastic jingoistic oratory, and so on. One would certainly hope
better for and expect more wisdom from a 12th millennium society!
Yet it appears that the bugs have studiously copied all the human
foolishness as demonstrated by our own species over the last few
millennia.
Vorak of Kolnap is primarily a work of science fiction, but
it features elements of other genres as well. Such as those of a
light-hearted (at times even comical) mystery novel (crime
fiction): particularly in "Mission Beta" (which I found the most
enjoyable from among the 6 chapters) that deals with the
disappearance of several pieces of precious porcelain – parts of a
traveling exhibition touring the galaxy. The witty male/female
banter between Vorak and Nayluu might remind one of listening to
Nick and Nora Charles in Hammett's
The Thin Man:
<< Vorak kissed her on the
cheek.
“Darling, you’re a genius.”
“Well, of course I am, darling, but why?”
“For discovering the solution.”
“The solution to what?”
“To the mystery. Well, half of it.”
“Half of what solution? Darling, don’t be elliptical. You know
that’s my prerogative.”
“I’ll tell you in a minute,” said Vorak, under his breath,
nodding to a passing lady. “Too many bugs in the hall. [...]”
>> (Mission Beta)
In other stretches,
Vorak of Kolnap might remind you of
watching a
film noir – particularly in Commander Vorak's
and Sergeant Orkan's ominous and/or violent interactions with
rogue june bug bartenders.
Finally,
Vorak of Kolnap is a fine (military) adventure
novel, providing many glimpses into the military life and psyche,
with the favorite topic explored being "the burdens of command" as
experienced by Vorak:
<< Damn it, he had handled
this all wrong! He had been too cavalier, too sure of himself!
Vorak, the great roach hunter, the bug without fear! He should
have done it by the book, with back-up, searchlights, the whole
six legs. Instead he had charged in like a rookie, cocksure and
shotcrazy, never thinking there might be a second tarantula. His
stupidity had cost Orkan his life. He was responsible! >>
(Mission Alpha)
<< A real commander has
three responsibilities: prioritize, prioritize, and prioritize.
>> (Mission Gamma)
<< “If you’re in my outfit,
you are expendable, because I’m expendable. That’s one of the
burdens of command.” >> (Mission
Gamma)
All in all, then,
Vorak of Kolnap offers a rich mixture or
crossover of elements of mystery, comedy, military tales/exploits
and noir fiction blended with sci-fi and pure adventure frolics
(the tarantula hunt scenes).
An ingenious feature of
Vorak of Kolnap is the treatment
of vulgarisms; the bugs have their own swearwords that sound
endearingly mild to our human ears. The dialogues employing the
bugs' vulgarisms manage to be
realistic, that is
obscene,
yet without containing a single truly obscene word – because
Vanneman invented oft-repeated expressions such as,
"what the vart!",
"the whole horfing planet",
"My Bob!" (instead of "My
God!"),
"haul abdomen"
instead of "haul ass", and so on. Such euphemisms are infuriating
when employed due to prudishness or for self-censorship purposes,
but they are delightful to listen to throughout
Vorak of
Kolnap. On the linguistic side, Vanneman also invented lots
of new "technical terms" of the
"taplar
condensers" and
"toran
belt" variety.
In terms of technology,
Vorak of Kolnap betrays signs of
having been written most likely in the early 1990s. Ironically,
due to the book's action taking place in a universe of
bugs,
readers can't quite blame the author for failing to "predict", or
include in
Vorak of Kolnap, some of the more recent
human
technological inventions considered obvious today. In
Vorak of
Kolnap, there is no idea of a decentralized, "cloud"-driven
Internet, as shown by these snippets from "Mission Epsilon":
<< Restless, he stepped
into his study and sat in front of a small console beside his
desk that connected to the main Admin calc. >>
<< Our library is hardly
current. >>
In
Vorak of Kolnap, there are only old-fashioned computers
(that Vanneman calls "electro-calcs") composed of the computer
itself
and an additional/separate display and keyboard;
evidently, the bugs, despite living in the 12th millennium, have
not yet heard of Steve Jobs's invention of the iPad that, so to
say, merges the computer and its display into a single
"all-in-one" micro-computer thanks to utilizing a touch-screen
instead of a separate hardware keyboard. For storage, the bugs use
old-fashioned "discs": physical units, spinning hard-drives and
removable storage, instead of completely noiseless SSD and/or
"cloud" storage, considered standard on planet Earth in 2014. In
Vorak
of Kolnap, there are no "wearable" mobile devices of the
Google Glass, iWatch variety; generally, there seems to be no
inkling of an idea of hand-held, touch-screen devices such as
today's cellphones; in the book, it says,
"stared at the [electro-calc's]
screen", instead of "stared at the electro-calc [
itself]",
which is the phrasing one would be likely to use today when
talking of using one's tablet or cellphone.
Vorak of Kolnap is a highly imaginative narrative; you're
not going to be bored reading it!
LINKS IF YOU'D LIKE TO
PURCHASE VORAK OF KOLNAP:
[review
originally written in March 2014]
Also see: Alan Vanneman
profile webpage
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